My my my beautiful neighborhood

I went wandering around my neighborhood finally, on a multi-quest to get lost, AND find a shower curtain (future entry on why I needed a shower curtain). I got some rough directions regarding in what general area I could find a shower curtain, so I started walking in that direction somewhat purposefully. I'm pretty sure those last two sentences were full of grammatical obscenities. Almost a solid month here, and I hadn't gotten lost in downtown yet, so I was pretty excited about finally having zero direction (in a venue other than work).

First stop - the 2.50 LE store, equivalent to a dollar store in the States. Actually, I don't think 2.50 is really all that cheap, but the store had enough of a selection of low-quality house supplies and essentials that I noted its location for future visits. Found some nice hair-care products: Who wants garlic in their hair? Mmmm boy. How about whale liver oil? Actually these may be perfectly legitimate products, but I'm a guy who washed his hair with hand soap for 2 weeks because I was too lazy to look for shampoo, with minimal (visible) effect on my hair. So this, like most of my pictures, may only be funny to me.


Bigger non-western cities sometimes have streets where all the shops sell the same category of materials, from the all-wedding-dress and prosthetic-limb shopping streets of Seoul to the fireman's-paradise alleys of Cairo, pictured below. I was going to photograph the propane-cylinder-and-engine alley, but that place was a little too close and sketchy-feeling at first visit for me to want to whip out the camera. I'll have to photographically assault that corridor again later - but for now, the fireman's equipment square will have to do. I'm really tempted to stock up on gas masks and then just freak people out (and breathe easier) by walking around downtown and hailing taxis wearing a gas mask. Too hot to wear the whole suit and rubber boots though....sorry ladies!


Continuing the theme of, um, themed shopping areas, this display had All Things Taxi. Beaded seat rests, faux-fur dash covers, leopard-spotted steering wheel covers, and all manner of flashing lights and decorations - rows upon rows of taxi knick-knacks to please the eye and distract one from the noxious exhaust/smoke fumes. Oddly enough, there were no tourists around this area - I guess crappy plastic accessories aren't the most desirable souvenirs, but to me, they make me think of Cairo more quickly than tiny stone pyramids.

Not a joke, this isn't a Big & Tall store, it's an Average-Height & Potbellied store. All the clothes and suits were for guys about my height (maybe slightly taller), and about twice my weight. As tasty, greasy, and fatty the food is though, soon I will be shopping here. I'm also adding this to my list of mannequins-my-future-mansion-shall-be-full-of.


Interestingly creepy art on the walls of a restaurant about 5 minutes from my apartment. Food was so-so, but it seemed like a hangout for older, well-to-do Egyptian intellectuals as much as it was another expensive place that foreigners go to dine. I want to try their mollokheyya (sloppy stew-sauce liquid made from some sort of tasty green leaf) to see if it's worth the 2x price tag, compared to the local places. Some of these ghostly ladies seem to be giving a two-finger peace sign, others seem to have fists in the air, while others look like they had their hands lopped off entirely. But it's not like they have faces or eyes, so I guess no-hands is the least of their worries. HAR.



Weirdest hijab I've seen so far. Honestly, I don't know if this is meant to be a hijab or just a weird underwear display. The blouse seems way too tight to be anything resembling a hijab anyways - panties on face and chest, perhaps not so modest. The more I look at it, however, the more I think this is just a weird display - there isn't even anything covering the hair on this metal mannequin, reducing further the hijabiness of the outfit.


After about two hours of wandering around, the novelty of being lost started to wane, and I tried to focus on figuring out where I was in the city, and where I could find a shower curtain. There's probably a shower curtain district that I missed, but even the toilet-seat-cover and shower-head stores didn't have shower curtains. After another hour or so, I started to become somewhat irritated, and started looking for anything resembling a shower curtain, including sneaking around the industrial district looking for tarps, and later, trying to steal the plastic wrap off of a roll of sheet metal, thoroughly unsuccessfully. I was now desperate for shower curtainage.

I walked by a carpet store at one point, and, seeing something resembling a table cloth in the display window, decided to give it a try since trying all the stores that made sense (bathroom supplies, pharmacy, fish market) was not resulting in the purchase of a shower curtain. At this point I had gone through a few iterations of learning how to say "curtain" in Arabic, and tried it out. Blank looks. Tried it again, and the guy in the front pawned me off to an older guy in the back of the store, who took me down a narrow isle of rolled-up carpets, presumably to slaughter me and hide me between some carpets.

And then, there they were, slightly dusty, but still shining in the fluorescent light like something awesome that's shining in fluorescent light. A whole freakin wall of shower curtains, in the back of an Oriental carpet store. Of course, why didn't I think of that? EXACTLY....no one would have thought of that, so the Infinite Improbability Drive of Cairo had me find my shopping target there. Whatever urge the shopkeepers may have had to rip me off likely vanished when I started hopping with glee singing "ilham d'illeh" (Arabic for "woo hoo!" or "rockin") over and over again. They went from surprised to curious to amused to vaguely concerned after about 5 - 10 hops, sold me a glorious curtain, and bid me a wary farewell.

A place to rest my head, at least until woken up by horns and children

So, after all that great apartment hunting and dealing with shady flat-finders, turns out the most ideal apartment was found by one of the guys working at my hostel! Apparently my near-constant nudity and obnoxiousness has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated...out of all the people in Cairo, these guys probably had the most motivation to help me find a place of my own. The guy at my hostel used to work at another hostel near the apartment, was chatting with the doorman at his hostel, who in turn knew the doorman at my apartment.....networking works, yeah? So, after some shenanigans (that I'll write about later) with the landlord, I've finally moved into my very own Cairo pad. Now that I've finally sat down to write about it, I realize that the majority of my pictures are on my camera, which is not at all on my person right now. Awesome. Here are the few I have so far on my computer though:

The entryway to my little slice of Cairene heaven: nice, marble, stone, and unpolished enough that I don't have to worry about slipping on the steps while wearing my work shoes and cracking my head open on the stairs. If the lighting weren't so institutional and fluorescent, it'd feel pretty classy, as it's kept relatively clean, and is quite open. Plus, some of the marble floor tiles are a bit cracked and loose, so they wiggle and rattle a bit when stepped on. Every time I walk on one, I have mini-daydreams about prying it up and hiding something cool under the stone slab, to be found by no one, ever. High on the list of stupid-things-to-hide-under-an-unmoveable-stone-slab are my only apartment key and passport.

The view from the mini-balcony, accessible by both bedrooms, is pretty spectacular. Right across the street is what I believe is called Qasr (mansion) Champollion, possibly where the famous French archaeologist/Rosetta stone translator guy lived, or had dealings? I need to research this more later. But there's a fantastic abandoned classical-European-architecture mansion right next to my apartment building, and I fully intend on "accessing" it at some point, even if I have to get my hands on a grappling hook (or bribe the guards). Down the street a bit to the right, there is an all-girl's school that has classes starting at right around shut-the-hell-up-o'clock in the morning. I hear a steady stream of chatting and giggling every morning that's enough to wake me up, but not only to the half-awake/asleep state where sounds merge with dreams. In fuzzy-mode, their voices really do sound like a babbling brook or flowing/bubbling water, which makes for an interesting mindset to start the day. Like I'm drowning in children.


My bedroom! Notice the random assortment of phone-with-no-cord, homeless mirror, disassembled vacuum cleaner, and oddly placed stool. All accoutrements around the nest of love at the core of Cairiasian central, complete with leopard-spotted blanket that came with the flat! Now even while unconscious, I can be P-I-M-P. After putting on my suit in the morning, I feel incomplete walking out of this room without a cane and a big hat. Note to self: go shopping.

It's been a slow/fast few weeks

Been busy as all hell these past few weeks with apartment hunting and work, so not much to report on....or, it's been too long since amusing things happened, and I up and forgot them all. Slow regarding time to post/download things in my head, but quite fast regarding how quickly the time has passed. Luckily, I've gotten used to using my camera to create external memory pointers, allowing me to remember strings of events based on snapshots during the events. At least, that's my excuse for some of my crappier photographs.

And now, random memory hour!

This rather creepy drawing was hanging on the wall of one of the apartment buildings I visited. It was the only decoration.....big white wall, crying-little-girl art smack in the middle of the wall, slightly above (my) head height. I sat on a couch opposite this painting for about 20 minutes waiting for the simsar (real estate agent) find the landlord, so really had nothing to look at but this painting. It may have been some sort of psychological ploy to make me so sad that when I saw the apartment, I'd feel better no matter how bad it was, since I just stared at a little girl crying for 20 minutes. Instead, passerby just wondered why I was snickering to myself for 20 minutes. Ah, the joy of children in emotional distress, who aren't seated near me on a plane. Like veal, lobster, and schadenfreude, nothing beats the flavor of suffering. Mmmmm, boy.



On the way back from a meeting with one of the government ministries, I passed by a series of apartment buildings in various stages of construction. I noticed after passing a dozen or so buildings that something looked a little weird......if you look the buildings above, you'll notice a scarcity of windows. Some of the apartments appear to have no windows at all. I wasn't sure if they just knock out bricks for windows later, or whether some of the apartments just don't have windows, but either way, it seemed even worse than institutional housing. At least in prisons, there are windows with metal bars over them. My mild distaste looking at these buildings was tempered by my total ignorance of construction processes, as I hoped that there was just some cost-saving or logistical measure that explained the lack of windows. It's not just the lack of sunlight, it's the ability to let fresh(ish) air in from outside; after seeing some older inhabited and fully-constructed apartment buildings, I noticed that many of the windows were completely covered in sand/dust/brown anyways. Even dirty windows can be opened for ventilation, though.

Found this little gem at a book sale that one of the hashers had, getting rid of old literature and collecting some cash. You can almost hear the voice of that severe man who narrates old 60's documentaries, talking about "the homosexual" as a plural/species. Believe it or not, I think this was actually FOR education about gay rights, and not some sort of hate manual. But man, check out those angry homosexuals on the cover. They sure are pissed about the law.

No trip to a foreign country would be complete without deformed Disney characters. The resolution here might suck too hard to see clearly, but there's Goofy lounging and the left, Donald and Daisy sharing a drink (probably dairy-based, not sure why) in the center, and the immediate aftermath of something hurling Mickey out of a window, on the right.

Biggest freakin stack/pillar/tower of shawerma meat I have ever seen. While I am sure there are larger in existence, I snapped a photo of this to remind myself of the shock/wonder/delicious feeling I got when seeing that much greasy tastiness, ready to be sliced, packed into bread, and then given to you by the same hands that just handled your money and scratched his butt. I wanted to combine the word shawerma with something implying "large mass", but am too tired to be witty right now. Hell, that's why this entry is so photo-heavy. Oh wait....shawermassive? That sounds like a name I'd give my group of friends if I lived in the UK and loved shawerma and drum and bass. London shawermassive, represent!

Hee hee hee. Next time I feel like ending a meal very awkwardly, I'm going to order this. Note that "F.F" is french fries, on the side, not to be confused with a french-fry sandwich, which also exists here. French fries stuffed in a sub roll or pita bread are a common fast-food item, which would make any Atkins-freak shrivel and then explode with fear and longing. Also, misspelling "dessert" as "desert", a common error even in the States, takes on new hilarity in Egypt. Especially when the first item is a bottle of water, hehe.

In Search of a New Home

This post is after the fact, but I've been going on an apartment-hunting rampage lately. Emailing various listserves, contacting shady ready estate agents (which is almost all of them apparently), talking to random people I meet, trying to find a place where I can finally unpack all 32 kilos of luggage I've been dragging around. While I do like the hostel where I've been staying, it's been over 2 weeks and about time I have a place where I can shower without needing shower slippers, and have the luxury of wandering around buck-naked all the time. Heck, it saves on the A/C bill and laundry.

I visited a pretty wide variety of places, from rather comfortable and fashionable apartments in far-off locations, to downright-scary crackhouses in great locations. I visited probably 12-15 places total, but didn't have my camera on me for all the visits, stupidly enough. Asians everywhere, shake your heads in disappointment. Here are some of the highlights of my potential abodes, in no particular order.

One of the first places I visited, in a great location downtown, very close to my hostel, close to all manner of cheap food, and a 15-20 minute cab ride to work. It was located in the corner of an auto district, where every shop sold some sort of automotive supply or service, primarily bumpers and windows, it seems. After getting used to the chaos of Cairo's traffic, the proliferation of bumper and glass stores made perfect sense to me. This place looked like a den of whores and dealers right when I walked in the front door, into a narrow, lightless stairwell with a super-sketchy elevator (even compared to many others I've seen here). The tenant said the landlord's mother used to live there, until she passed away a year ago. Awesome.

Rockin' paint job and nonfunctional A/C unit from the 50's.

Shower basin, sink, toilet and washing machine, all cuddled together. The washing machine is manually filled, and really is just an agitator with a timer - you pour water and soap in, it jitters for a while, then you open the spout to dump the water into the toilet. Rinse and repeat. Then you take the clothes out, wring them out (no spin cycle), and hang them.....somewhere. Now I can clean my insides, outsides, and clothes simultaneously!

Shockingly, I passed on this jewel of the Nile.

Here's a place that was middle-of-the-road; not too terrible, but alas, not so great either. It didn't have A/C, which was pretty much an instant deal-breaker. But hey, check out the awesome guest room! Now, I just need to find some 4-feet tall guests who don't mind sleeping on the floor...

This next flat was actually pretty nice, with a large bedroom and dining room with table/chairs for 6! Only one bedroom though, which isn't guest-friendly, and more important, it's on the other side of the Nile, which means I'd have to deal with the horrid traffic crossing the bridge to and from work every day. Plus, the neighborhood (Doqqi) isn't as lively as the downtown I'm used to; I like cool shisha/tea bars (called ahwas) every 10 feet and super-cheap food everywhere.

Another big plus was the cool suspended tv-stand, shown here behind the current tenant (not included with the apartment). Crazy tv-hangy-bobber was part 60s, part 70s, and totally awesome. I was sad to have to turn it down for "logistical" and "practical" reasons.

Neighborhoods I looked at included Maadi, downtown, Zamalek, Doqqi, and Mohandeseen.

Downtown is where my hostel is, and 15-20 minutes from where I work. It's smack in the middle of the chaos, with a few nice-ish restaurants and 17 handfuls of cheaper koshary and shawarma joints scattered everywhere. Foreign tourists wandering here and there but not as many expats, a big international college (American University in Cairo, or AUC), and cars and people making noise for a large majority of the day and night. Perpetually smoggy, perpetually raucous and rockin'.

Maadi is south of downtown and an expat hive, with green tree-lined streets, western restaurants, various clubs and community associations, and Germans and Americans walking around in shorts with their kids. If I myself had kids (that I was raising responsibly versus paying for monthly), I would consider living there. But, given that this is not the case, and it would take me close to an hour to get to work from Maadi, I ruled it out after visiting some rather nice flats there.

Zamalek is an island in the middle of the Nile immediately west of downtown, and another expat-heavy area, although not as enclave-feeling as Maadi. Similar to Maadi, it has a large variety of nice bars and restaurants, is quite trendy (i.e. expensive-ish), but very foreigner-friendly.

Doqqi and Mohandeseen are one bridge-span west of Zamalek. Doqqi I didn't really get a strong vibe from one way or another (although it does have some clean western-style coffeeshops and cafes), and Mohandeseen is uber-crowded with people and traffic, and appeared to have a whole lot of high-end shopping, which interested me not-at-all.

While living in one of the 'nicer' areas would give me an easier quality of life, I'm making the decision to focus my apartment-hunting in downtown, where it's more Cairene, lively, Egyptian, and bonus, closer to work too. If I'm only here for 6 months, I'd like to make it as full-tilt as possible, woo!

Personals-ad writer to the STARS

STARS meaning one of the guys who I've gotten to know at the hostel. Not quite sure if he's started working here, but a long-term tenant, but I see him here a lot and we occasionally chat. I'm trying to help him with his English so his online profile is a little more coherent, at his request. It's a little weird helping someone write their own (non-joke-on-another-ethnicity's) dating website profile, let alone if I don't even know the guy all that well. Weird cultural experience too, looking around an Arab personals site and trying to figure out what the profile averages are in terms of headlines, profile text, photos.....yes, I am so indoctrinated by consulting and work now that I do competition analysis and industry research even when writing a freakin 100-word profile description for some guy I barely know.

While I write the next post, I leave you this to ponder: non-alcoholic pineapple flavored malt beverage. Oddly enough, it tasted exactly as I expected without being disgusting - it was like a bud light with no (or even less) alcohol flavor, into which someone had dumped pineapple syrup.